I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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