I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
