i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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