i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
