We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
