What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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