If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
