I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Success! We fucked roommates!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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