Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just pee around me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
