dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
