My room smells like vodka and shame
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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