i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
