Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
