I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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