Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
