Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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