thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
