My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
