I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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