Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
