he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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