Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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