So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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