dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
