He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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