I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
