If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
