I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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