who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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