census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
