they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
