I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
