Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
