I think im going to throw up on grandma
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
