that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
