If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
