I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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