so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
