My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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