i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
