I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
