We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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