My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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