doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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