How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
