I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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