The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
