I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
