Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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