this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
