sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
