can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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