Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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