So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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