i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she looked like the before picture.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
