Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
